It seems my Elder Sister (Carol Crookedhajib) has given up guzzling mouthwash and has taken up writing. If you have been trying to lose those extra 10-25lbs for say....oh...I don't know...maybe, the last 3 to 20 years...take heart, and have a GREAT READ!
Where does fat go?
Ever wonder where fat goes when you lose it? I think it comes to my house.
Fat floats around looking for a willing body. I’m convinced I have 30 pounds that rightfully belong to someone else. And some of it must be my husband’s fault. When fat cells float over our bed at night, why can’t he absorb some of them?
It’s sort of like “The Three Bears.” The fat cells look at him and say, “No, he’s too firm.”
Then they float over to me and say, “She’s just right. Perfect for a fat attack!”
Lately, it’s as if fat cells have rented tour buses and taken the scenic route to my side of the bed.
“Your theory is not biologically true,” Bill said when I made him change sides of the bed with me. “Fat flushes out of the body with other liquids.”
I had him there. “Have you seen that guy on TV who lost 75 pounds in two months?” I asked. “Do you really think anyone can pee away 75 pounds in two months?”
“False advertising,” Bill said. “When you lose weight, fat is converted to energy. It just goes out into the air.”
I had him there. “My point exactly,” I said. “Out into the air, watching and waiting for me.”
“You’re becoming paranoid,” he warned.
“With my luck, paranoia has calories,” I said, but by then he wasn’t listening.
Slim people don’t understand fat. Biological Bill has what he calls his Pepsi and Frito diet.” With every meal, he eats a small bag of Fritos and drinks a Pepsi. Within two days he says, “Wow! I’ve lost three pounds.”
I floss the alfalfa sprouts out of my teeth before I get on the scales. (You wouldn’t think grazing could cause so many problems.) If he’s lost three pounds, they’ve found me.
The answer is for me to invent a kind of radar for fat. There would be a lot of money and maybe even a Nobel prize for a machine like that. Rich, thin, and recognized – that would be great.
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